She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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