they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
