don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
