mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
