smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
