Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
