Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
