we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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