nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Randomize
