Are we in a gay sports bar?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
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