No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
