shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
