The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
