Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
