I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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