we have pet lesbian snakes
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
