1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
