i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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