I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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