I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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