i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
