Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
