Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
