Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
