3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
