just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
