K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
