i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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