He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
