and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
