He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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