you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We have so much sex to catch up on
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i out mim tonsoeep
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
