you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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