If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
