Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
