I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
FUCK WHALES
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
