i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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