He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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