When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
