i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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