Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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