they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
