I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
