Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize