just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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