evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I can't put those talents on a resume
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
