Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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