when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
