On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
