help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
How external is "for external use only"?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
