with your own penis?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
