I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
