just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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