drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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