the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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