I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
