my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
