i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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