pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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