I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
