I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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