just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
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Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize