She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
