tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
where are my eyebrows?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
