I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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