I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
