I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
