I wanna bring you to show and tell
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
