So gin and wine won't be happening again
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I still have a little drunk in my system
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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