taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
