that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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