Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
