you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
that's an acceptable place to lick
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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