I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
