when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
this hospital has no fireball
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
