Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
