you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize