I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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