Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
bring money and cleavage
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I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
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He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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