The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
